Airport Security- They've watched too much TV

Now I've been on my fair share of flights around the world, well more than I should have at times.

But that all changed after the events of 9/11.

Now, your casual Nike Free 3.0 shoes that you have just bought and shelled out $200 for- are a weapon of mass destruction.

Que Jaws theme music.

You approach the first line of scrummage. The pointy nosed bastard that checks if your hand luggage is kosher.

"NO!!!" I EXCLAIM LOUDLY, "IM A BUSINESS CLASS PASSENGER I GET MORE ALLOWANCE!!!"

After 375 people before me have said nothing and quite clearly gotten angry with him, but kept quiet, I have gone where no man in the past 7 hours has gone before.

As quick as you can make a fried rice in the back streets of Shanghai- the bloke was barking down his radio for backup.

Now I'm not a huge bloke, I like to juice it up at the gym and maintain a look that the ladies seem to not get enough of, but in Asia us westerners are Godzilla compared to our Asian brothers. Half a dozen blokes later, they still can't figure out I'm a premium customer with my airline of choice therefore I get a much larger carry on allowance.

Que the cute flight attendant wondering through the staff lane. One moment looking at my ticket, barking in Chinese at the now assembled entire forward pack of the Shanghai Pudong Airport security first XV- I was on my way through the first proverbial hurdle.

From one pointy nosed bastard to the other. They all make you seem as though you are an escaped convict and that the mere sight of the smallest of a suspicious item(s) in your baggage they will pile drive you faster than the Hamiltonian hooker that grabbed you that one night in that dark alleyway and you swore to yourself you would never speak of ever again.

Beep. Beep.

"no... Ah.. N.. N.. No... That's a POWER ADAPTER"

...

"No... That's medication, without that I'd go mental and crash the plane, we don't want that do we?" (bad joke, que more groans from yourself and the people behind you as they decide to open your baggage even further"



You may have had a fight with your girlfriend once, or perhaps a 3 year old child, when they don't get what they want, they sit down and cross their arms and refuse to reply with anything but a muffled "MMMMRRRFFF!!!"

Well, that actually WORKS !! Go ahead, find yourself a chair, cross your arms and let those pointy nosed bastards on a meager government wage rip your things apart.

IN FACT, don't wash your clothing for a week, hey even two, then see them close the bag just as fast as they put their beady little eyes on you knowing they were going to attempt to ruin your flight experience.

And whatever you do, don't make a joke about a bomb. Or Muslims.

That ends up in the "secondary search"... And I've been there, you don't want to go into that side room....

Now grab yourself a glass of 12 yr old scotch, slap the ass of the cute flight attendant for a cheeky 'thanks for the help earlier on' and wait for the next round of security checks that come at the end of your flight!

Get off the Bandwagon, Lin is NOT a Legend Yet

Im a Knicks fan.. But I'm sorry, I have had ENOUGH.

Jeremy Lin, with not even a dozen starts for the Knicks has all of a sudden become an overnight media sensation.

Now I'm sorry, but if he were any other race, nobody would give a flying rats arse. The Chinese media and the fans alike have been looking for a poor sap to fill the void that Yao Ming has left after he retired from the Houston Rockets (he now owns the Shanghai franchise in the Chinese pro league).

Typical Bandwagon over something that barely even muffles in comparison to the careers of Kobe, Shaq, Lebron, d wade, dirk- I could go on all night with names. 

What shows how stupid it is is that he was BORN in the USA but china is claiming him as their own when his family is from Taiwan and even they get mobbed on the street by random mindless fans. Oh and I LOVE this, some are saying he's eligible for the Dream Team for the London Olympics.... Well, for start, THEY HAVE ALREADY SELECTED THE SQUAD... secondly, HE'S ONLY PLAYED LESS THAN A DOZEN STARTS FOR THE KNICKS.

One only needs to look at the absolute stupidity of some of the fans, what good is it doing for you and the random family member you are mobbing when they are heading to work in the morning? Jesus H Christ, they probably haven't seen the kid for years- mindless twits.

He's not even close to a legend. Somebody come back to me when he's even near the likes of Blake Griffin- somebody who has only had a few short years in the league, yet consistently is a great player.

LESS THAN A DOZEN GAMES FOR THE KNICKS PEOPLE. WAKE UP AND STOP BEING IDIOTS.

If he were from anywhere else in the world, ESPN may have done a quick 60 second gig on him.

Wake the FUCK up.
Rant complete.

SBW- learn respect

Sonny Bill Williams

A great athlete? Or an athlete that has made poor decisions, mixed them with good sporting talent, used the media coverage from all of them to create a media icon?

Exactly.

Ladies and Gentlemen, lay your eyes upon the Americanism that is the professional "athlete".

They are good at what they do, but they can't be content with what they have, potentially already millions of dollars.

They never wake up to the fact that they are not business geniuses, that the plethora of "advisers" around them are actually making as much or potentially more than they are out of every deal that is struck. No. They are just as worthy of business as a monkey is to long haul space flight.

Where was he loved and accepted? On the Rugby League field.

Where should he have stayed? EXACTLY THERE.

It was only a few years ago that he cowardly just up and left from the Bulldogs in the NRL, got on a plane and quite simply flipped the bird to the Rugby League community and took a stint in Rugby.

Well, the NRL and the Bulldogs weren't taking that crap. SBW had to end up paying some A$700,000 just to settle his contract. Who paid that may you ask? Well funny enough, many say it was loud-mouth boxer Anthony Mundine. Now, this angry half-drunk blogger actually has severe respect for Mundine, why? He isn't a coward. He didnt just up and leave from a contract, he didn't say to League that 'you guys aren't good enough' and just left the sport altogether. No. He played the game with passion, then moved onto Boxing of where he became world champion and one of the most entertaining boxers this blogger has ever laid eyes on.. (clearly Pacman and the likes of Tyson and Ali and Lewis are another league altogether, but Mundine was great nonetheless).

My rant question is this. SBW, where is the love for League.

How about you wake up with a slap to the face and see that the lovers of the sport are normal people, now I am not unfamiliar with high business, but you must respect those who made you who you are. Six60 said "Don't forget your roots", yet you have gone and done exactly that.

I believe your career is tainted until you return to league, take all the pay you may get from any respective club (FYI YOU SHOULD BE A TRUE KIWI AND SIGN WITH THE WARRIORS) and give those funds to the development of the youth of the sport that look up to you so much so that you are considered a god to those kids.

Nobody remembers the twat that pulled in the big fights, the big cheques, the big money.

Everybody remembers in their heart the guy that took from the big time and gave those who looked up to him the path to succeed and gave them a smile on their face at the same time.

It was Mundine that possibly paid your way out of the Doggies? Well we should have seen you would have gone to boxing after that. Human beings after all are normally only human. But we expected more of you. Seeing your talents are superhuman, your actions in these matters have not been.

Give back to League, the sport that made you who you are. Otherwise forever more there will be that cloud over your head with persons thinking you are a media-monger and the $ and cents are your end game.

Bain (an avid league fan FYI)

Couriers: When They Knock; and Leave the "Calling Card"

Over a beer and Facebook I am chatting to a friend back in New Zealand over their frustrations of CourierPost and their lack of service.

We both joked about how they would probably turn up at 7am, knock once on the door, literally one knock, then leave a calling card and bugger off again.

Now is that fair?

We got further in our conversation, decided that somebody should do something about it.

Enter Bain and his ranting.

I have written an email to both Close Up on TVNZ / TV1 in New Zealand along with Campbell Live on TV3 in NZ also, below is that exact email.
----------------------

To whom it may concern,

I like many kiwis wish to voice a serious concern over the legitimacy of the service provided by NZ Post, Courier Post and their associated divisions and/or counterparts.

Over the past few years I, along with many other persons whom I have had angry rants with, have had a package or item to be delivered by NZ post or Courierpost, only to have the somewhat potentially lazy courier knock once, or barely knock at all, leave that dreaded calling card telling us they would come back the next business day or to go to the depot on Saturday to collect our package.

Now not only has this happened to me once, but it has actually happened a number of times. Many of my friends and family this has happened to also.

This has gone from a serious annoyance, at times even very inconsiderate to the customer of whom may be waiting for rather important items- to just a casual joke had over a beer with friends, we end up laughing about it and the pathetic service that is sometimes given to customers in this particular way of deliverance of items.

Is this acceptable to the public of whom are the customers? After all, without customers the business itself would cease to exist, would it not?

Is it company policy to identify themselves in a certain manner? Or are they just told to do as they wish. Are the courier drivers directly not following their objectives of their job description and contract? Or are they given complete freedom to be as lazy as they wish as long as in their discretion they have done a decent enough job and they can go home early and leave the packages to the depot to deal with the angry customers.

The dreaded yellow and white slip that they leave under your door has been around long enough, some answers should come from courierpost and NZ post.

I note I have blogged the above email on my blog thebainrant.blogspot.com, also on Facebook to gather interest in this matter as many many persons I have spoken to are downright fed up with this happening to them all the time.

However I now reside in China for business, but I am contactable via the email address of which this has been sent from.

Kind regards,

Brad "Bain" Bainbridge

------------------------ The content speaks for itself.

I already have a reply from Close Up, albeit an automated one, stating they will look into it.

I will monitor progress as I go and let you angry rangers know how we get on.

Bain

Want to Bag a Broad?

Books,

Now I am not one to brag, but I do like to get involved in a yarn or three at a alcohol-fueled shindig and jive off about this and that- hoping that the smoking hot blonde across the way hears me bellow said bullshit so that she thinks I am a keeper and things get real later on that night.

How does one get to have such spectacular knowledge though?

Well, gone are the days of BOOKS.

You remember them, it may take you thinking back a few years, all those trees they cut down just so our brains can induce information that most of us would never use again?

Now most people think, righto- I am going to grab a book, look like a smart bastard and go for it.

Most of us get to page 15, sly off into another thing to do or jump on youporn.com.

Thats the way modern literature is- outdated, overly priced and quite simply too time consuming.

The virgins in silicon valley saw this a few years ago, such products as the Kindle came out. Now, not so shockingly, the product was a flop. Do yourself a favor, try and count ten people you know with a kindle faster than ten people you know with an iPhone. You cant.

Steve "Ballin" Jobs (now deceased and rick rolling Abe Lincoln at 2-7 lowball triple draw in the afterlife, daily) came out with products that literally spread faster than that rash you had that one time that you never went to the doctors about. Yet the virgins at Apple decided they could take this a step further, get books onto the product that every monkey and his tick seemed to have his hands on (the iPhone).

iBooks was born.

Now for those of you who have a bookshelf near them at home or their office, jump up off your arse, waddle over there and pick up a dozen big suckers from the bookshelf. Heavy, aint it?

Now jump on your iPhone, or iPad, or whatever "i" gadget you have and grab a dozen books from the iBooks store. A great number of titles are for free, I myself downloaded a dozen of those suckers last night after a few too many burbouns.

Not so heavy to carry those dozen books around now, eh?

So, I emplore you, grab a decent bottle of strong liquor, biff it all over that bookshelf- and let that mother burn to the ground. Dont forget to save some for yourself though, as thats just a crying shame if you dont.

Books are gone for the count.

Now if you excuse me, I am flicking through Charles Darwin's "The Origin of Species"- maybe the next broad I meet at a party has the hots for evolutionary theory, you never know.

Bain

Tennis- the Game that "Aint On Time"

This being that time of year where there are quite significant Tennis tournaments in the local area (New Zealand & Australia). All the big name players are in town, or across the ditch at various feeder tournaments that build up to the Australian Open. Tennis was once the sport of kings, on par with Equestrian racing and football.  Now it has many other sports to compete with in what is the modern marketplace of television rights, advertising sales, merchandising and putting bums on seats to fill stadiums. An utter snake pit where games can be held for seconds, minutes, even moved to ungodly hours of the morning or night to benefit offshore broadcast markets. Players are sometimes put at the mercy of this multi trillion dollar business - that is professional sport.  Lets face it, most professional sports that bring in the big bucks have a ethos that evolves around the clock, prime example being football which is the sport that has the highest net profit each year- running off the clock at 90 minutes, plus added stoppage time give or take 1-10 minutes as determined by the referee's assistant.  So where is tennis lacking where other sports prosper?  To become an elite tennis player is no easy task, these players are incredible athletes that required years of training just to even reach the world tour. Only exceptional talent there on in gets them to the purses that net sometimes millions of dollars- PER TOURNAMENT. Yet, games can sometimes drag on continuously without merit to the sport itself. It is great to see games that can continue onwards throughout the evening, even into the early hours of the momring- however this should be kept to team sports only. Putting an individual through that strain of absolute competitive effort for sometimes (going by the world records) a day and a half solid because of the meaningless tie-breakers. Time after time with only small exception, the player that has an extremely long and drawn out late-night game that goes into the early morning tends to lose their next match. This is down to one thing, the player is tired, far more so than their opponent that may have only had a straight sets victory.  This brings to light the issue of time. Quite simply put, if tennis were played on a set time limit then players would prepare for games knowing how long they were in for and another competitive streak would come out in them in the closing stages of the match knowing they have only so little time left to save themselves- as you see in stoppage time in football.  We should see matches of which a time of possibly 2 hours is enforced. With finals being 3 hours. Obviously the debate on how long these matches would go would be a debate that would go on for years, and be changed numerous times.  Yet, players would be more protected, broadcasting rights would be maintained and advertisers would be able to sufficiently plan their projects around games that would seemingly only go for a set time. Officials and tournament organisers also would be fresher off at the end of the day, only having to officiate at a far less strenous schedule.  So, why is Tennis not run on the clock? 

The NZ Moose- Bain Reveals its TRUE Identity

Recently Hallenstein's have put together an advertising campaign to give $100,000 as a bounty to anybody who can provide video and photographic evidence that the New Zealand Moose still exists.

Wikipedia has the down-low about the NZ Moose: 
In 1900 an attempt to introduce moose into the Hokitika area failed and ten moose, four bulls and six cows, were introduced into Fiordland in 1910. The last proven sighting of a moose in New Zealand was in 1952.^[21] A moose antler was found in 1972 and DNA tests showed that hair collected in 2002 was from a moose. Extensive searching has been carried out and while automated cameras failed to capture photographs, evidence was seen of bedding spots, browsing and antler marks.

At The Bain Rant (name soon to be changed as we expand to greater things) we uncovered the true identity of the New Zealand Moose. You may be shocked at first as to who it is but one must think about the fact that the footage seen of the NZ moose exactly resembles this person.

Ladies and Gentleman, I give you the NEW ZEALAND MOOSE

Anton Brcic; He refused to make comment as he was foraging for food