The Royal Rant

Today, I flicked through my TIME Magazine which popped into my letterbox when the post-women finally put down her crack pipe and got her job done at three P.M. in the afternoon.

I do like that particular publication, it broadens the mind and makes you see more of the world from your own couch instead of having to put up with pointless television adverts (which I will get onto in another rant shortly... stay turned). I flick to page 4....

What do I see?

MORE TRIPE ABOUT THE UPCOMING ROYAL WEDDING?!?!?!?!??!

I pay a good $145.00 NZ Dollars a year for my TIME Magazine subscription. That's the same as 7 dozen beers from Countdown Greenlane (if you get the cheap ones... Bruer for example, good value and a good spot of brew that is..). Now why the bloody hell should I waste anymore money on something that has its hand in the pocket of such activities which make my blood pressure rise? Now I must confess, I don't give a flying hootananny about the Royal Wedding. The Prince is just another twat that needs dental work and a real reality check. Sure, he has done the Royal thing instead of staying home and having his old man do the dirty deed with him out back in the garden shed- he went to the Armed Forces and stayed in the trenches so that he wouldn't be a target that stood out from a mile away. I don't care that he can handle a firearm at his side- every joker and his monkey in Chechnya can do that, you dont see them on cereal boxes and having one hand on a royal throne do you?

Alright then, Love?

Kate isn't half bad, Ill give you that. Every scouser and his dog will be claiming to the tabloids that they gave her a go- I would be proud of that as well. I contacted a few of my sources over the social-network-globe and asked them about their thoughts on Kate and the talent she provides, the consensus was the same with one anonymous Facebook'er quoted as saying "erotic enough for a thrash but wouldnt be marrying the skank". 


A Royal Wedding invite is something that ol' Ritchie McCaw turned down recently, saying that he would rather focus on his rugby. Don't blame the bloke, except one thing mate, you haven't been on the pitch for MONTHS.

This blogger would have accepted that invite, charged the first class trip on the Emirates A380 (they have showers in their first class cabins- absolutely brilliant) to the crown, then I would have taken as much Moet & Chandon that my digestive system could handle then I would have shimmied my way into the speeches. Surely the Queen wouldnt mind a bit of ribbing.

A bride that deserves a porking, a male public that would drop everything to do so, wedding guests declining invites- this is all going to end in tears.