Now I've been on my fair share of flights around the world, well more than I should have at times.
But that all changed after the events of 9/11.
Now, your casual Nike Free 3.0 shoes that you have just bought and shelled out $200 for- are a weapon of mass destruction.
Que Jaws theme music.
You approach the first line of scrummage. The pointy nosed bastard that checks if your hand luggage is kosher.
"NO!!!" I EXCLAIM LOUDLY, "IM A BUSINESS CLASS PASSENGER I GET MORE ALLOWANCE!!!"
After 375 people before me have said nothing and quite clearly gotten angry with him, but kept quiet, I have gone where no man in the past 7 hours has gone before.
As quick as you can make a fried rice in the back streets of Shanghai- the bloke was barking down his radio for backup.
Now I'm not a huge bloke, I like to juice it up at the gym and maintain a look that the ladies seem to not get enough of, but in Asia us westerners are Godzilla compared to our Asian brothers. Half a dozen blokes later, they still can't figure out I'm a premium customer with my airline of choice therefore I get a much larger carry on allowance.
Que the cute flight attendant wondering through the staff lane. One moment looking at my ticket, barking in Chinese at the now assembled entire forward pack of the Shanghai Pudong Airport security first XV- I was on my way through the first proverbial hurdle.
From one pointy nosed bastard to the other. They all make you seem as though you are an escaped convict and that the mere sight of the smallest of a suspicious item(s) in your baggage they will pile drive you faster than the Hamiltonian hooker that grabbed you that one night in that dark alleyway and you swore to yourself you would never speak of ever again.
Beep. Beep.
"no... Ah.. N.. N.. No... That's a POWER ADAPTER"
...
"No... That's medication, without that I'd go mental and crash the plane, we don't want that do we?" (bad joke, que more groans from yourself and the people behind you as they decide to open your baggage even further"
You may have had a fight with your girlfriend once, or perhaps a 3 year old child, when they don't get what they want, they sit down and cross their arms and refuse to reply with anything but a muffled "MMMMRRRFFF!!!"
Well, that actually WORKS !! Go ahead, find yourself a chair, cross your arms and let those pointy nosed bastards on a meager government wage rip your things apart.
IN FACT, don't wash your clothing for a week, hey even two, then see them close the bag just as fast as they put their beady little eyes on you knowing they were going to attempt to ruin your flight experience.
And whatever you do, don't make a joke about a bomb. Or Muslims.
That ends up in the "secondary search"... And I've been there, you don't want to go into that side room....
Now grab yourself a glass of 12 yr old scotch, slap the ass of the cute flight attendant for a cheeky 'thanks for the help earlier on' and wait for the next round of security checks that come at the end of your flight!
Wednesday, 22 February 2012
Tuesday, 21 February 2012
Get off the Bandwagon, Lin is NOT a Legend Yet
Im a Knicks fan.. But I'm sorry, I have had ENOUGH.
Jeremy Lin, with not even a dozen starts for the Knicks has all of a sudden become an overnight media sensation.
Now I'm sorry, but if he were any other race, nobody would give a flying rats arse. The Chinese media and the fans alike have been looking for a poor sap to fill the void that Yao Ming has left after he retired from the Houston Rockets (he now owns the Shanghai franchise in the Chinese pro league).
Typical Bandwagon over something that barely even muffles in comparison to the careers of Kobe, Shaq, Lebron, d wade, dirk- I could go on all night with names.
What shows how stupid it is is that he was BORN in the USA but china is claiming him as their own when his family is from Taiwan and even they get mobbed on the street by random mindless fans. Oh and I LOVE this, some are saying he's eligible for the Dream Team for the London Olympics.... Well, for start, THEY HAVE ALREADY SELECTED THE SQUAD... secondly, HE'S ONLY PLAYED LESS THAN A DOZEN STARTS FOR THE KNICKS.
One only needs to look at the absolute stupidity of some of the fans, what good is it doing for you and the random family member you are mobbing when they are heading to work in the morning? Jesus H Christ, they probably haven't seen the kid for years- mindless twits.
He's not even close to a legend. Somebody come back to me when he's even near the likes of Blake Griffin- somebody who has only had a few short years in the league, yet consistently is a great player.
LESS THAN A DOZEN GAMES FOR THE KNICKS PEOPLE. WAKE UP AND STOP BEING IDIOTS.
If he were from anywhere else in the world, ESPN may have done a quick 60 second gig on him.
Wake the FUCK up.
Rant complete.
Jeremy Lin, with not even a dozen starts for the Knicks has all of a sudden become an overnight media sensation.
Now I'm sorry, but if he were any other race, nobody would give a flying rats arse. The Chinese media and the fans alike have been looking for a poor sap to fill the void that Yao Ming has left after he retired from the Houston Rockets (he now owns the Shanghai franchise in the Chinese pro league).
Typical Bandwagon over something that barely even muffles in comparison to the careers of Kobe, Shaq, Lebron, d wade, dirk- I could go on all night with names.
What shows how stupid it is is that he was BORN in the USA but china is claiming him as their own when his family is from Taiwan and even they get mobbed on the street by random mindless fans. Oh and I LOVE this, some are saying he's eligible for the Dream Team for the London Olympics.... Well, for start, THEY HAVE ALREADY SELECTED THE SQUAD... secondly, HE'S ONLY PLAYED LESS THAN A DOZEN STARTS FOR THE KNICKS.
One only needs to look at the absolute stupidity of some of the fans, what good is it doing for you and the random family member you are mobbing when they are heading to work in the morning? Jesus H Christ, they probably haven't seen the kid for years- mindless twits.
He's not even close to a legend. Somebody come back to me when he's even near the likes of Blake Griffin- somebody who has only had a few short years in the league, yet consistently is a great player.
LESS THAN A DOZEN GAMES FOR THE KNICKS PEOPLE. WAKE UP AND STOP BEING IDIOTS.
If he were from anywhere else in the world, ESPN may have done a quick 60 second gig on him.
Wake the FUCK up.
Rant complete.
Wednesday, 8 February 2012
SBW- learn respect
Sonny Bill Williams
A great athlete? Or an athlete that has made poor decisions, mixed them with good sporting talent, used the media coverage from all of them to create a media icon?
Exactly.
Ladies and Gentlemen, lay your eyes upon the Americanism that is the professional "athlete".
They are good at what they do, but they can't be content with what they have, potentially already millions of dollars.
They never wake up to the fact that they are not business geniuses, that the plethora of "advisers" around them are actually making as much or potentially more than they are out of every deal that is struck. No. They are just as worthy of business as a monkey is to long haul space flight.
Where was he loved and accepted? On the Rugby League field.
Where should he have stayed? EXACTLY THERE.
It was only a few years ago that he cowardly just up and left from the Bulldogs in the NRL, got on a plane and quite simply flipped the bird to the Rugby League community and took a stint in Rugby.
Well, the NRL and the Bulldogs weren't taking that crap. SBW had to end up paying some A$700,000 just to settle his contract. Who paid that may you ask? Well funny enough, many say it was loud-mouth boxer Anthony Mundine. Now, this angry half-drunk blogger actually has severe respect for Mundine, why? He isn't a coward. He didnt just up and leave from a contract, he didn't say to League that 'you guys aren't good enough' and just left the sport altogether. No. He played the game with passion, then moved onto Boxing of where he became world champion and one of the most entertaining boxers this blogger has ever laid eyes on.. (clearly Pacman and the likes of Tyson and Ali and Lewis are another league altogether, but Mundine was great nonetheless).
My rant question is this. SBW, where is the love for League.
How about you wake up with a slap to the face and see that the lovers of the sport are normal people, now I am not unfamiliar with high business, but you must respect those who made you who you are. Six60 said "Don't forget your roots", yet you have gone and done exactly that.
I believe your career is tainted until you return to league, take all the pay you may get from any respective club (FYI YOU SHOULD BE A TRUE KIWI AND SIGN WITH THE WARRIORS) and give those funds to the development of the youth of the sport that look up to you so much so that you are considered a god to those kids.
Nobody remembers the twat that pulled in the big fights, the big cheques, the big money.
Everybody remembers in their heart the guy that took from the big time and gave those who looked up to him the path to succeed and gave them a smile on their face at the same time.
It was Mundine that possibly paid your way out of the Doggies? Well we should have seen you would have gone to boxing after that. Human beings after all are normally only human. But we expected more of you. Seeing your talents are superhuman, your actions in these matters have not been.
Give back to League, the sport that made you who you are. Otherwise forever more there will be that cloud over your head with persons thinking you are a media-monger and the $ and cents are your end game.
Bain (an avid league fan FYI)
A great athlete? Or an athlete that has made poor decisions, mixed them with good sporting talent, used the media coverage from all of them to create a media icon?
Exactly.
Ladies and Gentlemen, lay your eyes upon the Americanism that is the professional "athlete".
They are good at what they do, but they can't be content with what they have, potentially already millions of dollars.
They never wake up to the fact that they are not business geniuses, that the plethora of "advisers" around them are actually making as much or potentially more than they are out of every deal that is struck. No. They are just as worthy of business as a monkey is to long haul space flight.
Where was he loved and accepted? On the Rugby League field.
Where should he have stayed? EXACTLY THERE.
It was only a few years ago that he cowardly just up and left from the Bulldogs in the NRL, got on a plane and quite simply flipped the bird to the Rugby League community and took a stint in Rugby.
Well, the NRL and the Bulldogs weren't taking that crap. SBW had to end up paying some A$700,000 just to settle his contract. Who paid that may you ask? Well funny enough, many say it was loud-mouth boxer Anthony Mundine. Now, this angry half-drunk blogger actually has severe respect for Mundine, why? He isn't a coward. He didnt just up and leave from a contract, he didn't say to League that 'you guys aren't good enough' and just left the sport altogether. No. He played the game with passion, then moved onto Boxing of where he became world champion and one of the most entertaining boxers this blogger has ever laid eyes on.. (clearly Pacman and the likes of Tyson and Ali and Lewis are another league altogether, but Mundine was great nonetheless).
My rant question is this. SBW, where is the love for League.
How about you wake up with a slap to the face and see that the lovers of the sport are normal people, now I am not unfamiliar with high business, but you must respect those who made you who you are. Six60 said "Don't forget your roots", yet you have gone and done exactly that.
I believe your career is tainted until you return to league, take all the pay you may get from any respective club (FYI YOU SHOULD BE A TRUE KIWI AND SIGN WITH THE WARRIORS) and give those funds to the development of the youth of the sport that look up to you so much so that you are considered a god to those kids.
Nobody remembers the twat that pulled in the big fights, the big cheques, the big money.
Everybody remembers in their heart the guy that took from the big time and gave those who looked up to him the path to succeed and gave them a smile on their face at the same time.
It was Mundine that possibly paid your way out of the Doggies? Well we should have seen you would have gone to boxing after that. Human beings after all are normally only human. But we expected more of you. Seeing your talents are superhuman, your actions in these matters have not been.
Give back to League, the sport that made you who you are. Otherwise forever more there will be that cloud over your head with persons thinking you are a media-monger and the $ and cents are your end game.
Bain (an avid league fan FYI)
Monday, 6 February 2012
Couriers: When They Knock; and Leave the "Calling Card"
Over a beer and Facebook I am chatting to a friend back in New Zealand over their frustrations of CourierPost and their lack of service.
We both joked about how they would probably turn up at 7am, knock once on the door, literally one knock, then leave a calling card and bugger off again.
Now is that fair?
We got further in our conversation, decided that somebody should do something about it.
Enter Bain and his ranting.
I have written an email to both Close Up on TVNZ / TV1 in New Zealand along with Campbell Live on TV3 in NZ also, below is that exact email.
----------------------
To whom it may concern,
I like many kiwis wish to voice a serious concern over the legitimacy of the service provided by NZ Post, Courier Post and their associated divisions and/or counterparts.
Over the past few years I, along with many other persons whom I have had angry rants with, have had a package or item to be delivered by NZ post or Courierpost, only to have the somewhat potentially lazy courier knock once, or barely knock at all, leave that dreaded calling card telling us they would come back the next business day or to go to the depot on Saturday to collect our package.
Now not only has this happened to me once, but it has actually happened a number of times. Many of my friends and family this has happened to also.
This has gone from a serious annoyance, at times even very inconsiderate to the customer of whom may be waiting for rather important items- to just a casual joke had over a beer with friends, we end up laughing about it and the pathetic service that is sometimes given to customers in this particular way of deliverance of items.
Is this acceptable to the public of whom are the customers? After all, without customers the business itself would cease to exist, would it not?
Is it company policy to identify themselves in a certain manner? Or are they just told to do as they wish. Are the courier drivers directly not following their objectives of their job description and contract? Or are they given complete freedom to be as lazy as they wish as long as in their discretion they have done a decent enough job and they can go home early and leave the packages to the depot to deal with the angry customers.
The dreaded yellow and white slip that they leave under your door has been around long enough, some answers should come from courierpost and NZ post.
I note I have blogged the above email on my blog thebainrant.blogspot.com, also on Facebook to gather interest in this matter as many many persons I have spoken to are downright fed up with this happening to them all the time.
However I now reside in China for business, but I am contactable via the email address of which this has been sent from.
Kind regards,
Brad "Bain" Bainbridge
------------------------ The content speaks for itself.
I already have a reply from Close Up, albeit an automated one, stating they will look into it.
I will monitor progress as I go and let you angry rangers know how we get on.
Bain
We both joked about how they would probably turn up at 7am, knock once on the door, literally one knock, then leave a calling card and bugger off again.
Now is that fair?
We got further in our conversation, decided that somebody should do something about it.
Enter Bain and his ranting.
I have written an email to both Close Up on TVNZ / TV1 in New Zealand along with Campbell Live on TV3 in NZ also, below is that exact email.
----------------------
To whom it may concern,
I like many kiwis wish to voice a serious concern over the legitimacy of the service provided by NZ Post, Courier Post and their associated divisions and/or counterparts.
Over the past few years I, along with many other persons whom I have had angry rants with, have had a package or item to be delivered by NZ post or Courierpost, only to have the somewhat potentially lazy courier knock once, or barely knock at all, leave that dreaded calling card telling us they would come back the next business day or to go to the depot on Saturday to collect our package.
Now not only has this happened to me once, but it has actually happened a number of times. Many of my friends and family this has happened to also.
This has gone from a serious annoyance, at times even very inconsiderate to the customer of whom may be waiting for rather important items- to just a casual joke had over a beer with friends, we end up laughing about it and the pathetic service that is sometimes given to customers in this particular way of deliverance of items.
Is this acceptable to the public of whom are the customers? After all, without customers the business itself would cease to exist, would it not?
Is it company policy to identify themselves in a certain manner? Or are they just told to do as they wish. Are the courier drivers directly not following their objectives of their job description and contract? Or are they given complete freedom to be as lazy as they wish as long as in their discretion they have done a decent enough job and they can go home early and leave the packages to the depot to deal with the angry customers.
The dreaded yellow and white slip that they leave under your door has been around long enough, some answers should come from courierpost and NZ post.
I note I have blogged the above email on my blog thebainrant.blogspot.com, also on Facebook to gather interest in this matter as many many persons I have spoken to are downright fed up with this happening to them all the time.
However I now reside in China for business, but I am contactable via the email address of which this has been sent from.
Kind regards,
Brad "Bain" Bainbridge
------------------------ The content speaks for itself.
I already have a reply from Close Up, albeit an automated one, stating they will look into it.
I will monitor progress as I go and let you angry rangers know how we get on.
Bain
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